omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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