Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
