He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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