Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
