Im at strip club and am horny
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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