Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
