what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
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There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
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Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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