we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
