that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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