so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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