His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
