Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
