Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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