i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
How's work?
Spinning.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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