So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
