Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
