All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
