TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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