PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
