i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
