What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
