and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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