ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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