I wish I only lived at night.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize