All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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