she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
