woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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