his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
