So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
