my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The feeling are messing with the penis
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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