Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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