he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
