What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
