i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
