I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
