you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i've created a new STD.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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