Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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