It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
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what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
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Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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