im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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