I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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