Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
