The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
