This is not my ceiling
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
