OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
