I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
one might say we're banned from that church
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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