you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
