Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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