Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize