i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
