I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You ruined the universe
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