So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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