so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
