The maid of honor just puked.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
