A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
