i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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