i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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