Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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