Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
