I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
