It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
