If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
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Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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