Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.