I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
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I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
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Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.