Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.