I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?