hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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