dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize